old chevrolets.

            I went to this student design meeting yesterday (for the free pizza) and during introductions, we went around the room saying our 1. Name and 2. Top item on our bucket list.

            I sat there listening to “Go to Europe” (Been there) “Learn to surf” (Currently wearing a surfing bro-tank… Done that) “Scuba dive” (I hate snorkeling) “Go cliff jumping” (That guy must not get out much) and “Skinnydip in the ocean” (Check).

            I was feeling pretty blessed to have experienced a lot of what other people could only hope for. It’s never enough to settle, though; a person will always want more. How am I supposed to tell the class what I want most in life, when I'm not even sure myself?

            How can you even define “want”? You want that hot girl in class, you want Madden ‘13, you want both your parents to live forever, you want to win your game this Saturday, you want friendship and acceptance, you want to sleep in. It’s so vague, such a widely used word with so much meaning.

            Whenever I notice 11:11pm, all I can think is, who knows what they really want?

            With a lot of things, I think people blur the line between “wanting it” and “working for it.” I mean, when it comes to sports, you sure don’t train for second place. Yeah, the desire to succeed must be there, but putting in the effort to achieve success is vital.

            Sometimes that’s not enough though. No matter what you do, there will always be some things you cannot have. I know too many kids who have lost their dads, or moms, or somebody extremely close to them. Stay strong, guys, you’ll see ‘em in heaven. You will.

            Big shoutout today to Osama for making that even more true.

            See, it’s so hard to explain the word “want” to someone when your definition is so broad. Work for what you can, believe in what’s out of your control, and realize what’s worth it to you.

            Once you got that down, get back to me. Cause I don’t think anyone human has it all figured out yet.

            Just in case anyone was curious. My answer was, “Hi I’m Amanda and before I die, I will own an old chevy pickup truck.”

wistful thinking.

Have you noticed the older you get, the more your perspective changes? When you were little, just wanting to ride a bike. And once you were able to ride a bike, just wanting to drive a car. You’re always looking forward, the younger you are. I want junior high, I want high school, I want to graduate college, a job, a wife, a family, a home. Then somewhere along the road you stop looking forward and you start looking back, and you say, I wish I was young... those were the days.

Everyone is enjoying the cool weather, but I could easily float back to May and replace these goodbyes with hellos, and reminiscence with freedom.

Nostalgia has the ability to captivate one's mind, enclose you within your thoughts and memories that you hope will never disappear.

That's why it's hard to sleep at night. It's the first time all day that you are alone with your thoughts. Scientifically, it's the time that your brain does it's processing of the day that you've had, recounting what has happened to put short-term memories into long-term storage. But the brain does nothing unnoticed by the mind. You lie there and reflect on the past, whether that be the last 12 hours or the last 12 months.

Ever since the beginning of high school, I've put my memories into a tangible form. I have random lists of things that happened on my Best Day Ever's, or notes on my iPod calendar claiming the small but noteworthy events that have happened that week.

This past spring I googled "phobia of forgetting" and came up with Athazagoraphobia. I am constantly picturing myself 20 years from now, wishing I could remember what I was like in high school and college. While this is highly unlikely to happen- nobody is THAT forgetful that they'd lose themselves- it still keeps me jotting things down.

Another reason in the back of my mind has to do with the fact that if I die young, I want some record of the life I’ve lived.

While May and June are times of LETS GO ITS SUNNY OUT I MISSED YOU LETS CHANGE OUR ETHNICITY TOGETHER YEAH BEACH YEAH, August brings the realization that man this summer was even better than last and where did the time go and oh you're leaving for college okay wow that was fast.

Every incoming freshman wants to relay the fact that they’re not looking back and are ready to break on into this new start of a school year, but in all sincerity, it's not possible to drive your car safely without looking in the rearview mirrors once in a while. You'll get to school and have an ultimate high, meeting people and walking through campus and joining new teams, but there will come a night a few weeks in, when you are alone with your processing brain and realize how much you miss "the good old days."

Well these ARE the days. So while excitement for the future is necessary to succeed in a new town, never, ever forget where you came from.

nice meeting you.

It’s unbelievable the amount of people that will come into and out of your life.

You’ve got your family, you’ve got your friends, you’ve got the people who you will always say “see ya later” rather than goodbye.

The interesting footprints are the ones left by strangers, those who you realize and accept that you will never, ever see again.

I went to Europe two years ago; our tour guide’s name was James. Funny guy. He, being a tour guide, connected and then disconnected with people for a living. Naturally, he had a refreshing perspective on things.

In today’s day and age, it’s hard to make a connection with someone without asking their name, number, and twitter info. This is how us suburban kids grew up- meet people, become friends, stay connected.

I actually remember the night James and I had a little chat, which evolved into this surprisingly deep conversation aside from everyone else’s bantering.

One thing he told me was this: 

People come and go, but you have to enjoy it. You meet someone on a plane, get to know him or her for a couple of hours, and at the end, say, “It was very nice talking to you” and move on. There is no need to exchange numbers and say you’ll meet up later in life. The realistic thing is that you’ll never see them again, but you had a good time together.

This is so interesting to me. Some people come into your life, and you enjoy their company. They then make their exit, and it’s time to move on. Not to forget, but to accept.

I’ve been thinking about this all summer. The people I have met in the past 2 months… it’s amazing. A lady who gave me chills talking about Soundset. Veronica, a California store manager, most patient person I’ve ever met. Skylar and Damion, two professional surfers that I met and ended up going on a double date with. All the Norway guys that I met while working at the mall and watched at the USA cup. Friends of friends, who extend welcoming arms.

All of these, and so many more, are people who I will quite literally never see again.

In many subtle ways, I have been impacted by these people. I have enjoyed their company, and even though I get nostalgic, I move on. Delete the numbers, unfollow on twitter, it’s been real but it doesn’t need to be forever.

I'm on my way to Cali for a week and a half to visit my friends. Literally, I leave in 20 minutes. I'm about to meet a whole lot more of these "see ya never" type people, and I'm 100% okay with that.

“Some people walk into your life and quickly go. Others stay for a while and make footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same.”

There are two categories: people who come and go, and people who stay and impact. I really believe that the ones who come and go make such an underrated difference in our lives though, too.

Strangers work subtle miracles in our lives. They have the small power to make our day better. They give us new perspectives. They present to us qualities and traits that nobody in our current lives possesses. In other words, they show us what else exists out there, and that maybe we deserve better.

Everyone that enters your life will leave some sort of imprint on you. Find out peoples’ stories; let yourself learn from each person. Directly or indirectly. Enjoy things while they last. However, at the ending, do not play tug-of-war when they leave.

Accept what is gone and what it has given you.

start.

A year from now you will wish you had started today.

Think about it.

If I could go back one year, I would. That’s not to say that I regret anything huge that would make my life now any different, that’s not it. I just… miss it, for one thing. But there are just so many “ifs” of life, so many distinct directions there are for one to travel.

“I am an extremely indecisive person.” So many people say this, thinking they’re coming to a huge realization about themselves. I hate to break it to you, but have you ever met someone that calls him or herself “decisive?” Well... no you haven’t. Nobody knows exactly what they want, instantly, always.

I think a part of this is because people will always want the best of both worlds. You are only allowed one route in life, so when you make a final decision, you’re saying goodbye to any other path you could have taken.

What if I was still at Iowa State? What if I would have done track in 11^th grade? What if my parents would have let me go to Apple Valley High School? What if I would have pursued that one crush I had? What if I had chosen to live in Cali this summer? What if I had been a better sister?

My what ifs aren’t necessarily things that I would go back and do differently, they’re just different options. I mean, I am extremely happy that my parents forced me into Eastview High School. I HATED it freshman year- my entire group of friends, the closest group I had ever had, went to AV and I was stuck walking into a school where I really didn’t have a group at all. Seriously, think about that. At the end of it all, though, I’m glad I wasn’t allowed to make the choice myself.

Right Now could mean so many different things. There’s a theory out there that time doesn’t actually exist in the form of a line, like we picture it, but rather in the form of space. No particular direction, just different layers of experiences.

I don’t get it, either. But what I do know, is that at this exact instant that I am typing this, I could be at this Eagan dude’s bonfire that I’ve never met, I could be sitting around a fire next to the Pacific Ocean, I could be a recruited college athlete, I could have a better relationship with my brother Matthew, I could have 2 less friends, I could be dead, I could be a ballerina. There are just so many courses one can take in life, there’s no saying where you’ll end up, based on the small decisions you make.

Anyway, all I’m saying is that if you wish you had the chance to change something from a year ago, or 5 years ago, or yesterday… Just think about what you’ll be wanting to change a year from now, or 5, or tomorrow.

Take some chances, yo.

A year from now, you’re not going to care about that awkward moment walking into a bonfire of people you didn’t know. You’ll care about the random encounter with a stranger that led to a new friendship.

A year from now, you won’t care about the stress of attempting again and again to make amends with old friends, you’ll care about the fact that you can finally call them friends again.

A year from now, you will either be exactly where you were with someone, or proud of yourself for moving on, leading to bigger and so much better.

A year from now, the small stuff won’t matter. The product of all the chances you decided to take, will.

A year from now, you will wish you had started today.

atoms.

Life is all about the big picture. What are you going to be when you grow up? What could you have done differently in the past? Who are you going to end up with for the long haul? Who are you?

Take a step back.

We often lose sight of the details, the infinitely small atoms that make up everything we know. This list of reminders is a collection I’ve been accumulating for years. It’s kind of weird to be sharing it now, but I think it’s important. A couple are things I’ve read and written down, but a lot are things I’ve learned on my own and made note of. It’s a long list that would be easy to skim, but if you look closely, every single one of these means so much. Bring these small things back into your vision, because they make a world of a difference.

1. Give strangers compliments.

2. Keep secrets.

3. Think twice before burdening a friend with a secret.

4. Take the scenic route sometimes.

5. Pretend to be brave, even when you’re not. Nobody can tell the difference.

6. Never give up on anybody.

7. Don’t act too cool. People get bored of that.

8. Keep your favorite songs a secret. It’s okay.

9. Read for fun.

10. Research for fun. Knowledge has never been a bad thing.

11. Dream while you’re awake.

12. Do not depend on others for your own happiness.

13. Never deprive someone of hope. It might be all they have.

14. Have faith.

15. Remember that what other people think of you is none of your business.

16. Leave with no makeup on. You’ll impress people that much more when it matters.

17. Smile. Seriously, just smile.

18. Accept that people have flaws. That’s how God made them.

19. Wake up at the first alarm.

20. Be wary of the person who has nothing to lose.

21. Enjoy working out.

22. Don’t share everything online. Save some stories to tell in person.

23. Be romantic.

24. Be spontaneous. Let others be spontaneous.

25. Give people a second chance, but not a third.

26. Do nice things without telling anyone.

27. Leave your phone at home once in a while. It’s there for our convenience, not the caller’s.

28. Be enthusiastic for others.

29. Accept loss.

30. Be modest. A lot was accomplished before you were born.

31. Write down important moments.

32. Write down random, unimportant moments that still left you smiling.

33. Be the last to let go in a hug.

34. Remember that nothing is as important as it seems at first. Relax and step back.

35. Be quick to acknowledge those who helped you. Nobody makes it alone.

36. Fall asleep on Skype.

37. Count your blessings.

38. Tell them you love them.

39. Show respect for anyone who works for a living.

40. Send flowers. Think of a reason later.

41. Be genuine. If you’re not, don’t pretend.

42. Do not expect that life owes you anything.

43. See the good in a people, but trust wisely.

44. Be a role model for someone you know.

45. Be a role model for someone you don’t know.

46. Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what kind of journey they’ve had.

47. Know your limits.

48. Make Valentines for everyone you know.

49. Thank God each morning you wake up alive.

50. When nothing goes right, go left.

reach.

                If you think I’m trying to be cocky, don’t read this. If you think you’re better at soccer than me, you probably are. If you think you’re an intelligent person yet you don’t usually see the lesson in a long but simple story, log off. That being said…

Everybody has a moment or two that is stuck in their memory, tattooed on their minds. These moments are what define us. They're like a map to who we are, telling us what in our lives we consider important and worthy of multiple mental replays. There is always a lesson to be learned in what we accomplish; this is mine.

It was the biggest game of the season. I’m not just saying that. It seriously was. The smell of the warm summer night air filled our determined lungs while we jogged the length of the freshly cut soccer field in the stadium of Johnny Cake, warming up our muscles in preparation. We all knew the capability of our team; there was no doubt that we could do this if we played to our potential. The bright stadium lights, along with the pressure, were now on us.

This game was the game that would determine our placement for the coming year. Win this game and we move up a level next season. The stadium was packed full of families and friends, people I was not about to let down. The game whistle blew; the game started.

              First half passed quickly, we were tied at halftime. The mosquitos were now biting, and second half was beginning. We made our way down and back on the field, fighting, holding our own. There was now about ten minutes left in the game. I knew this was it; no more chances after the ending whistle blew. 

I had never wanted something so bad.

I was back in the defensive half of the field; the ball was being fought over about halfway up in the offensive. All of a sudden, it was a loose ball, played to the center- straight into a gap. Somehow I decided, right then and there, that this was my ball. I took off, without thinking. It was far, so far away, but all I knew was that it was mine- it didn’t matter that I was half a field-length behind it.

                  I still remember that feeling. I have never run that hard in my life. 
                 
                 Sure, I had been in track freshman and sophomore year, and even though I could not have cared less about it back then, I was decent. But never before had I felt the way I did on that field. The line on a track, marked ‘finish,’ and the rolling ball in a small but very open gap… these are two very different things, goals, motivators. Here and now on the soccer field, I had a purpose; a destination, somewhere I needed to be.

My heart pounded, the noise of the crowd faded away, and each stride I took propelled me closer to that ball. I had nothing in my mind, nothing, except for the thought that I would get there first. It was my ball.

My long legs covered that field faster than ever before, closing the space rapidly. Nobody saw me coming, but all of a sudden, I was there. I tapped the ball just in time, right before the Minneapolis defense got the chance to clear it. I had won. I had beaten everyone else to that ball. It was mine.

                  I’d like to be able to say that I broke away, shot, scored, and gave autographs out after the game. However, my momentum ended up crashing right into their defense, causing me to summersault through the air and onto the ground. I remember seeing stars of blackness when I stood up; I had no idea where the ball was as my teammate came up to me. I remember hearing “Dang, good run manda,” but not being able to get words out of my mouth. I was so confused. That run, along with the fall, had taken everything I had out of me. I mean… At least we got the call.

                  In the end, we won the game. It was amazing, but what I remember most was not the score on the board. It was the crazy feeling of truly giving it my all that has stayed with me. I work hard and try my best in most everything that I do, but this time I had brought out of myself what I didn’t even know I had.

                  The people that came up to me after that game were dumbfounded, trying to figure out where I had come from to get to that ball, amazed at the speed they didn’t know anyone on the team had. It’s funny, because it just sounds like a simple run, but probably any one of my teammates or anyone watching that game knows and remembers this play. 

                  All of this is very flattering, but it’s not what made the night so memorable for me. It was merely the fact that for me and only me, that run was a mark of progress, the ability to go further and harder than I knew was possible. I can’t explain it on paper; to many it’s just one run, one night, one instant in time. That’s okay with me though, you don’t have to understand it. What matters is that I understand it. That moment, that one moment, shows me that I am capable of much more than I’m aware. It tells me that I can do anything, get to any finish line, if I feel the determination. I learned to never let anyone tell me how fast I can’t run, how good I can’t be, the places life can’t take me. When I know what I want, nobody stands in the way. Try and faze me. I dare ya.

hey.

Hi my name is Amanda.

My favorite animal is a horse and a polar bear.

I am 5'9" and a half. Taller than Trent Richardson by .25". I should have been drafted before him.

My favorite color is when ocean water goes from shallow to deep.

My favorite sport is soccer and football and dance and gymnastics and surfing and track.

I'm really bored.

I haven't worn jeans since senior year in high school.

Halloween costumes don't count for that.

I hate accents, babies, MTV, polka dots, ramen, and cats.

My favorite food is watermelon and cereal.

My major is graphic design, minor in business administration.

My favorite show is Phineas & Ferb and American Horror Story and Friday Night Lights and 90210 and Gossip Girl and Arthur.

Some people don't catch my humor so they think I'm stupid and fat.

I feel really uncomfortable showering without working out before. Like, what's the point.

This is really entertaining me right now.

I love talking sports with people to learn more. I'm genuinely curious.

I have a bad memory. I forget endings to stories, grudges I'm holding, and why I walked upstairs.

But I remember every single random nice thing anyone has said to me.

I've wanted an old red pickup my whole life.

I watch dance YouTube videos when I'm bored. I could replay a good dancer forever.

I love being called manda.

Good thing you wasted your life reading this! Bye