idk why ok?

The subconscious is the strongest, most underrated part of us. It makes us want and avoid things for reasons unapparent to even ourselves because of experiences we’ve had but cannot connect to the situation at hand. We underestimate its ability because it’s a mental process we're completely unaware of.

Do you ever hear the question “Why?” (maybe from others, maybe in your head) only to find yourself stuttering and blurting out irrelevant answers just because you don’t know how to explain yourself?

Like in middle school when a girl would ask her justin-beiber-looking boyfriend “why do you like me?” just for confirmation that she’s doing something right, but bieber doesn’t know how to answer cause 1.) that’d be soft and 2.) you can’t put that into words. Like in your soccer game when you have an opportunity to score off of a penalty kick and you’ve had that shot down with either foot since you completed 7^th grade but when the whistle blows you still get nervous not from the crowd but because you want the respect and happiness of your teammates and now it’s a question of acceptance rather than game score. Like when you’d rather say no to an opportunity than to say yes and be inadequate. Like when you feel the need to compete with others in order to succeed. Like when you just don’t know why you hate the Vikings so much, you just do.

The subconscious is this evil thing that takes all the little pieces of our background and saves them for later when it can maliciously affect our choices without us knowing the source of our feelings.

There are people out there that have seen things, maybe in war or maybe in an under-developed city or maybe in their own home, so that they are changed to the point of trauma. There are people who have been so physically or emotionally harmed that they won’t be able to start over, so hard as they try. Then there are everyday cases where we just have no clue why we feel what we feel, whether it’s something we think we need, or something we avoid with everything we’ve got.

To all those motivational posters out there encouraging us to believe that “Anything Is Possible!” …you can’t beat the subconscious. Those walls are impossible to break down.


Also hey just go listen to this song because ugh so talented

hope: a definition.

Hope: (noun) to cherish a desire with anticipation

1.) To cherish. To value. To hold closely.

But that which we grasp onto seems so prone to elude us.

2.) A desire. A want. A need.

I want a relationship like my parents’. I want a challenging career. I want my friends and family forever. I want to perform to my best athletic capabilities. I want adequacy.

3.) To anticipate. To look forward to. To expect.

But they say expectation is the root of all unhappiness.

Hope. To hold close to one’s heart a want, or even a need, with expectation of fulfillment.

Hope seems to escape us sometimes.

Reassurance in its purest form comes not from opinion but from fact. Try as they do to provide encouragement, even our closest friends and family cannot supply us with hard evidence that our journey is on track.

Off of what is hope based? Rarely are we indulged with some secret that restores self-confidence in our life’s direction.

Hope is based off of gut feelings, desires, expectations. Nothing that has proved itself worthy to rely on.

To give up one’s hope, however, is irrational.  What have we to lose in continuing the push for success toward that need, that desire?

Don't quit.

air traffic.

When I was younger, my dad would take my three siblings and me down to the outskirts of the Minneapolis airport. We would drive through the gravel right up to the tall barbed wire fence, get out of the car, and walk through the untrimmed grass to wrap our little fingers around the warm twisted metal of the fence, peering through it. We waited then, until we saw a tiny airplane in the distance of the sky, coming closer and closer. Then all of a sudden it’d be right in front of my eyes, heading toward the stretch of cemented path for landing, and I'd hear my dad yelling over the noise of the plane’s engine, “Put your nose down, buddy!” All four of us kids would start screaming, “Put your nose down, buddy!” as loud as our little lungs were capable, making sure that airplane knew to get its nose down and land! We’d repeat this for every incoming airplane until our voices were rough and naptime was long overdue. Hugging that wire fence, I truly felt that I had an impact in ensuring the safety of everyone inside, as well as the beautifully enormous airplane itself. I was responsible for getting it to touch down at the exact moment it was supposed to. It was up to me.

Sometimes we feel as though we are not “enough.” We’re not fast enough, we’re not intelligent enough, we’re not attractive enough, if only. I fear inadequacy. I need to matter; I need to be “enough.”

If everyone had the same talents or attributes, yours wouldn’t be unique. Because we’re all different, nobody is everything. Because nobody is everything, nobody is enough. Right? That’s the logical conclusion to the compiling of doubts we all have. But when you look at it that way, you know it’s wrong.

If you are not adequate in the eyes of one person, you are more than adequate in the eyes of another. So you haven’t made it to a D1 basketball team on a full scholarship? No matter where you play, your mom is always going to admire you for working hard as a collegiate athlete. So you studied for weeks and still didn’t get an A on your physics exam? Well I personally admire you for studying physics for that long. It’s not fun.

It frustrates me to talk to people who just don’t believe they are enough, because I ALWAYS see enough. It’s hard to get someone to climb over his or her own barriers. It’s up to you to believe you’re here for a reason.

I mean, if the responsibility of the Minneapolis air traffic control was completely in my hands, I think you can agree that you too, matter.

mod·es·ty (mädəstē) - Noun: The quality or state of being unassuming.

Based on my appearance, nobody would ever guess what’s playing in my headphones; they’re always opposites. The other day on my way to practice, I was decked out in sweats, hood up and all… listening to “Oh Come All Ye Faithful Piano Version Part 2.” Straight classical music.

Things are a bit misleading when half the story is unseen to the public eye. It’s like the score of a soccer game. The final score may be recorded as 3-2, and to whoever looks at that written score; it's just a team who beat another team. But this says absolutely nothing about the people involved.  This 3-2 game was actually 2-0 for most of the time, until the underdogs rose up in the final 15 minutes of the second half, to tie the game 2-2, and finally got that third point in a shootout that had the crowd in tears of excitement.

Point is, nobody would know this story from the recorded score. It’s easy to surmise nothing like this even took place, if you’re only looking from the outside.  

Never assume you know everything. There are conversations that were held without you; you don’t know who may have stood up for you. It’s easy to aim the trigger at someone when you assume the worst, but sometimes you have to trust people’s loyalty even when you’ve been misled to believe otherwise.

There are reasons behind every decision, unseen depth behind unexpected sources. Be understanding. It’s an easy lesson to forget.

cannot disappoint.

You don't care what people think about you? Cool, well I do.

I will not have people becoming disappointed in me. There is no worse feeling. 

I can't believe how naive some kids are. That whole "I'm too good to care about life, I'm just doin' me" attitude really irritates me. You want to get anywhere in life? You better start building your character, at least the one that people see from the outside. Oh, you don't care the way you come off to others? Alright, does that still apply when you bring into the equation your little sister, who will quite literally follow whatever example and path you pave? What about your dad, who has gained so much respect for you over the years? Are you trying to ignore the relatives, the grandparents, the friends who think so highly of you? Why would you want to interrupt that image?

But then again, you might say, why does it matter?

It all matters. You are a living example to so many people. Not just the ones you know, but to the people you don't know are even watching you. You are affecting the decisions of those younger than you, looking upwards.

Somebody's eyes are always on you, so care.

thanks. amen.

I wonder how God decides to save a life.

My mom leaves work every day at 4pm. She walks through the skywalks of Minneapolis, finds her car in the parking ramp, and drives home in time to make dinner.

One day a few months ago, she got held up at the office and had to leave half an hour late. At 4:30pm, her heels clacked through the parking ramp only to find caution tape and police everywhere.

30 minutes earlier, at 4pm, a woman walking to her car had been stabbed. The incident was reported as random.

Mom, that could have been you.

 On July 20^th, 2012, one of my classmates was in Aurora, Colorado, and planned to go see The Dark Knight Rises at its midnight premiere. She got to the theater, only to find it was sold out. She left. An hour or so later, 12 were killed in the shooting.

How easily she could have been number 13.

My friend’s mom was walking home one cold night when she was a teenager, nothing but her, the curved road, and the fields of corn and woods surrounding her. She saw a white van in the distance, and as it turned around and started to head toward her, she slipped into the trees to her left to hide, just in case. She heard the van drive up, slow down, and listened to one man ask the other “Where’d she go?” They finally drove off.

One single tree stump hid her from danger.

I’m not really sure what to make of all this. When someone dies, the question is always, “Why?” When someone doesn’t die though, when they barely escape it… I find myself asking “Why not?” Luck? Karma? A gut feeling?

These situations kind of make one aware of some outside force protecting them, taking away, if only for a moment, any doubts about God. 

You can continue to ask “Why” and blame God when tragedy strikes, which is okay- Don’t blame yourself, don’t get angry with those you love. God can handle those feelings, you and your loved ones cannot.

However, if only to be fair, you’ve got to realize it not only when God takes a life, but when he keeps one around. It doesn’t need to take a “close call” for you to thank him for someone. Thank him every day your family and friends make it through.

One of these nights before bed, send up a quick prayer with no requests, no questions, no complaints. Just a thank you.